So what's new?

I wrote this blog for a while dealing with topics that interested me. After all, it's my damned blog and I guess I can write about whatever either amuses me, interests me or captivates my inept brain in any fashion regardless of how it might rub others. I dealt with time, ( that still fascinates me) God, ( that really fascinates me) the hereafter, ( that captivates me) and the simpleness and predictability of the behaviour of the masses (that is the most exciting and boring of all).
I worried that not enough people was reading me to make my thoughts important. That became less important as I continued. The comments I got and the e-mails I recieved about my content mattered to me for a while, then not much at all.
Finally I got to the place that I thought there was nothing else for me to say, which translates to 'boring myself', so I left my Musings of a Dumb Ass behind and announced I would traipse off in to the sunset and write comedy, and did. But after a while the comedy bored me too. I come to realize that when you put something down in print that can be revisited, it has a latent but sometimes transient value that must be added to, simply because ones thoughts are important if only to themselves.
In announcing my departure, I effectively took the growth life away from 'Musings of a Dumb Ass', because why would anyone come back to a place that had nothing to say. The only ones who happen on to 'Dumb Ass' now are the very closest of my friends who are probably trying to guage how close to madness I am getting in the hopes I can be plucked from insanity before any permanent damage occurs. All this is OK with me.
But I'm finding the need to write about things that trouble me or that I find interesting again, and I think I can do that without trying to please any one but me and going untroubled whether anyone else is reading me or not, accepting that nothing will be solved.
I've gone back and read old posts, some of them back to the original server that I started Dumb Ass on, and found that I really am a smart sonofabitch about humans and right and wrong, and have nothing in my being that resembles a hypocrite, which is paramount to personal peace within myself in my life.
One of the things that I had opinion about was our invasion of Iraq and where it would take us. I believed it signaled the end of things 'as they were' for this country because it made a fundamental change in the way we waged war. I said that there was no army for us to fight and that would confound us because an army with no opponent would make us impotent and lose purpose and have no identifiable goal. That we would have no clue as to when we won but loss would be evident. I said our entry into Iraq would wreck our economy and devastate our influence around the world. I said that one day soon the politicians would turn on each other and the President's popularity would drop into the twenty percentile.
Not bad predictions for a Dumb Ass. I caught lots of heat from Stupid Asses who were screaming 'Charge Up the Hill' without knowing which hill to charge. The same bunch of Lame Brains suggested that I didn't support the troops and was therefore unpatriotic and would depress any one wearing the uniform so I ought to either be shot or at least be considerate enough to not speak. The same mental misfits now say that we should sacrifice more of our finest so those who have already been killed won't have died in vain. That is irreperably stupid with no chance to get better. We don't even know what the hell we invaded Iraq for, and never did. We just grabbed whatever slogan that excused us and made things feel better and as all reasons became lame we started saying we'd done about all we could to help them out and that they were just going to have to help themselves now.
All this for the boy who would be King.
This was a great Dumb Ass. Why don't I feel better?..............

I really am crazy..... I guess

Life is a very confusing proposition for me. It has a simplicity that is confounded by confusion. You're born, you breathe, you struggle, you dream, you beat and get beat, all the while knowing nothing is forever.
The awareness of life is the magic of living and that too is strange for me. It is an impossibility for me to ignore the riddles of our being and it is not possible for me to dismiss the entire phonomona as an exercise done at the whim of some mysterious power for its own pleasure who will reward me if I do what some self appointed authority who lived thousands of years ago and is steeped in mystery suggested I do.
My youngest son who seems to have found peace for himself left yesterday after a very pleasant two day visit in which we had some great conversations, as we always do. He respects me enough to not opine as to how I should prepare for the inevitable nor where I'm going if I make no preparation at all, which makes me respect him greatly and allows us to talk and explore.
He explained to me that he found God through Satan, reasoning first that if there was a God, there had to be a Satan and vice versa, and that he knew there was a Satan, so therefore there had to be a God. He didn't tell me exactly how he come to the conclusion Satan was real, whether it was a mental or physical event or spiritual beyond my realm of understanding. Nor did he explain to me why he believed the Bible, or why he thought Jesus was representative of God, or why such a powerful and omnipotent force would have to have a representative as a buffer or example to lowly humans on how to conduct themselves. But he did display a peace within himself that I'm a bit jealous of.
What I smell and see looks the same to me as it always has, yet my body is beginning to feel different, making me aware of the concept of age. My stamina is less now along with just about every other fact and sensation of my physical living. I fail to feel the wisdom old people are supposed to have. Instead I have fear. Fear of not having enough. Fear of not being able to take care of myself. Fear that my beloved wife might go before me. Fear of boredom. A respected fear can be confused with wisdom.
And I have sadness. Sadness that my children are getting old. Sadness that my grandchildren will also get old. Sadness that it will remain my duty to tend to each of my pets as they die. Sadness that such a simple world can remain so hopelessly complicated even though the complications are all created by humans and could easily be erased by the same.
I am spellbound by the entertwinement of my inner self and my body. My inner self is as adventuresome and alert as it's ever been although my body isn't. I am aware that my innerself may weaken also, but not likely at the same pace as my body, leading me to suspect that my inner self and my body are two separate entities dependent on each other in this life but who may separate after the body quits. Which brings tragedy into the equation. It is tragic that this gorgeous body has no future. It is maddening to wonder what may happen to my inner self or what it could morph into. I have a headache now ................