Musings of a Dumb Ass

Musings of a Dumb Ass.............. Me and Charles Ray.......... We were unlikely friends, me and Monkey, him being more than 3 years my senior. We met the year I was twelve at a birthday party for some girl long forgotten and unimportant now. The weather was chilly but we hit it off right away and left the party to entertain ourselves and wound up walking the streets all night long singing 'A White Sport Coat and A Pink Carnation' to the top of our lungs and searching for cigarette butts still long enough to smoke. We had a blast that year and done things that would tie us together forever. We learned how to drink, chase women, con and get conned, and to have some time that neither of us gave a damn in. We hung out with the bad guys and the older boys but always reserved the right to exit whenever we wanted and never left unless we left together. We stole gas from John Holland's tractors and peach shed equipment for whose ever car we rode around in. We got caught in the act that summer and had to get down on our knees and pray for forgiveness while John watched to keep him from calling the Sheriff on us, and promised to go to church at Mount Vernon every service for a month to learn more about the Lord. We kept our end of the bargain but didn't miss a chance to fall in love with Jeff Wood's daughters. John Holland never realized hell itself couldn't have kept us out of church because that's the only place Jeff Wood's daughters could go. When me and Charles Ray realized the only way we could romance the Wood sisters was to work for the Lord we gave up and moved on. We took a joyride in one of Walter Meeks used cars which ended in a ditch by Bill Watson's house. We got the car out but figured we better get out of that business and returned it to the used car lot it came from. That was a wise choice and ended our life of crime forever. We worked in the peach orchards together and tried to chugalug a gallon of grape wine sitting in the huge culvert, it was almost tall enough to stand up in, that went under 64 highway by the Ark-Air drive in theater. We intended to sneak across the fence into the Drive In Theater when it got dark but somewhere before the bottom of the wine jug showed up I puked all over the front of my shirt and down into my lap and Charles Ray shit on himself. We just got too drunk to move at all and spent the night in the culvert puking and gagging and heaving till I finally shit on myself too. At noon the next day we were able to talk a little and solemnly swore we'd never drink any of that shit again. By about 2 in the afternoon we started thinking of a way to get through town without being seen. It looked hopeless. With all the puke and dried shit we were carrying around we were no candidate for help from anyone. Finally Charles Ray ventured out the end of the culvert and looked across the road toward the 64 Hub truckstop and motel and saw his brother Ralph's car at the gas pump. He shouted for me to run and we both tore out across the highway and up to Ralph's Car and got in the back seat. He had a date with Snooky Russell from Hartman and was embarrassed but we refused to get out and demanded he take us home. Charles Ray's mother gave us enough clothes to change into but wouldn't allow us in the house so we went over to Spadra creek and cleaned up standing in knee deep water and swearing we'd never do that again. We threw our nasty clothes in the weeds and closed that chapter. We used to go places. Nobody cared enough to wonder where we were or when we'd be back and so we went. We hitch hiked and it was wonderful. We went to Indianapolis to see the speedway. There was no race but we got them to let us in to look anyway. When we needed money we'd fix flats at a truckstop or clean up a trash pile for someone. We odd jobbed cafe's more than once for something to eat and slept across the ditch's along the highway. Once we hitch hiked to New Orleans because it sounded fun. We done other things up to the time we got married, him first, then me, then we just sorta drifted apart and lived life as it gave us what we had coming. Charles Ray was a great traveler. I read the old home town news paper on the internet, published weekly, every tuesday afternoon. Today's edition reported Charles Ray Left on another trip March 26. His funeral is tomorrow and too far away for me to attend. I hadn't seen him in 25 years. I wish I had visited him again when I could have....... Good luck Monkey....... We had a great time, better than most. If God offers you grape wine...... DON"T TAKE IT....... IT MAKES YOU SHIT ON YOURSELF!!!!!!!...................................