Musings of a Dumb Ass

Musings of a Dumb Ass.....It cost 35 cents for an adult ticket to go to the Strand theater. I was in the lurch that I could get in on a childs ticket (10 cents) but that day I was feeling pretty good because I'd done some clean up work around Mills Sinclair Station and Clifford Harmon had give me 2 bucks for my effort. That particular day the ticket seller was cute so I told her 'one adult please' and went through the doors into the lobby of the Strand to see "Tarantula" starring John Agar. It was a Wednesday matinee so there wasn't very many there and I chose a seat in the very near empty right side section towards the back. It was a perfect spot to see the movie, (I loved John Agar scary movies) and from where I was sitting I could see everyone who came in, and just in case Joyce Clayburn showed up I intended to buy her some damn popcorn or something and show her how things worked. The newsreels and advertisement had played, the cartoon had been shown, and the main feature had started and the tarantula had been given the dose of whatever that would cause it to grow as big as the 64 Hub truckstop and motel. I seen her come in but she was an older woman. I'd seen her around and knew her name was Minnie May Hall but she was like 13 or 14, and was probably out of my reach so I didn't put her on my list of things to do that afternoon as she took a seat a few rows down in the center section. I was intent on the movie and by now the Tarantula was growing fast and getting unruly and John Agar knew there was a problem. When it broke out and started tearing up buildings I knew this was going to be a 'goodern' and leaned forward in my seat in anticipation of getting scared to death in the ways only those horror movies from the fifties could do. I saw Minnie May get up and start for the aisle and I thought to myself 'this is a hell of a time to go pee' and was completely confused when she turned in to my aisle and plopped into the seat next to me saying 'This scares me to death'. All I could think of to say was 'Awwww.....it ain't real.' I was almost immediately aware of how she smelled. It was somewhere between fresh lilacs and what I imagined Doris Day would smell like and I leaned back and was just taken by the wonderfulness of her aura and was taking deep breaths to suck in everything about that great odor and not wanting to breathe out. I was getting light headed from her smell when the damned spider started killing people and Minnie May reached across and got my hand causing me to burp and bang my knees together. If she noticed, she didn't let on. The smell. Her smell was everywhere around me. I almost didn't care about John Agar anymore, but then something else happened, I don't know what because I was already legally blind from the wonder of the mystique of my own drama, and Minnie May let out the most precious yelp I'd ever heard and buried her face on my shoulder. At that point I experienced what would be my first stroke in life and my face was transformed into what I figured was a permanant snarl. Time stood still. The very thought of this incredible woman next to me with her head on my shoulder, now holding both my hands and whimpering was just about more than I could stand. I was afraid to move even the least bit and disturb the moment. So I just sat there enjoying. The snarl was beginning to ease off a bit and I was getting in control of the situation and thinking about trying to get my arm around her when she moved her nose up to my ear and whispered 'Don't that thing scare you'? I could feel her lips just brushing my ear and her breath was warm as she whispered. I think I wet on myself just a little and way to loudly proclaimed 'HELL...I AIN'T SKEERED OF NUTHIN'....... I sat there like a rock. She left her mouth against my ear. My ears were roaring and I no longer was aware of anything but Minnie May. I no longer cared about John Agar, the damned spider, Doris Day, Joyce Clayburn, a '55 Chevy or President Eisenhower. I was somewhere between heaven and hell. I wasn't about to leave, but I was too nervous to stay. I was having growing problems myself, instigated by Minnie May's smell and her face against my ear, when god forgive me a slight fart escaped me. By providence's kindness it was a quiet one and I never smelled it, and evidently she didn't either. I was so thankful and was again contemplating some kind of manly thing to do when she whispered into my ear 'Hmmmm... I feel good now.... and started rubbing my hand and arm...... There must have been a thousand feathers brushing my back and my skin was crawling off my body. I was leaning my head over so she could get further into my ear. She was running her fingertips up my arm and my right leg was bowing up in unison. when she went back down my arm my leg straightened out. I went completely blind and I'm sure I whimpered when she kissed me in my ear and at that point I was sure I was pissing on myself, but I didn't care anymore. We were sliding down in our seats and as far as I was concerned John Agar could go to hell in a '55 Chevy and take his damned spider with him, when Minnie May moaned just a little bit and found my snarled up mouth with hers. Some how I remember I looked up and she was just there. When her lips touched mine my mouth magically relaxed and I never had a more wonderful thing in my life. Her lips were SO soft and delicious and as she moaned, and smeared her lipstick around I became totally helpless and couldn't even moan when she stuck her tongue all the way down to my spleen. I just held my breath and tried to hold on to my sanity. I don't know if I actually fainted from lack of oxygen or if passion played a part, but somehow I fell off the seat and into the floor. I was too weak to move very fast, and by the time I was able to get back in my seat, the spell had been broken and that bastard Agar had the spider situation settled and the movie was ending. the overhead lights were on signaling the end of the movie when Minnie May smiled and patted my hand. She said 'I had a good time' .... and was gone! It was some time before I was able to stand up and walk. When I was steady enough to do so, I did. On the way out I met Joyce Clayburn in the lobby coming in. She came right up and said 'Want to sit with me'? I said 'Nah... already seen the show..... I wonder where Minnie May Hall is now, and how she's doing.... and if she still likes a John Agar movie?.........