Musings of a Dumb Ass

Musings of a Dumb Ass We humans have a very strange history, and factually a strange present. On my journey through what ever this has been since I touched mother earth in the wee hours of that summer morning in Newton County Arkansas so many years ago, honesty, especially with myself has been what kept me together in whatever I done through life. Honesty isn't something that has to be a pain in the ass for all those around you, but it can be. No one has complete public honesty because we couldn't survive in such a world. But late at night in the time just before sleep takes us away to where ever we go in slumber, no matter who we are or what we may have done, the truth is always lurking about. That's when 'things' bother me. If I've done something not quite right, or maybe completely wrong, it starts nagging at me. My definition of honesty probably differs from most. I don't mind a rip snorting lie so much. If it insults my intelligence I get bored very quickly. If the lie is done to truly protect someone you care for, then you gotta respect the intent, although the end result probably won't do what the fibber hoped and it might come back and bite them in the ass in the most hurtful way. The kind of dishonesty that bothers me is the kind that sets the standards for life. If I make a decision that affects someones life in the negative because of anything dishonest and incorrect on my part, I am tortured beyond belief for way too long. My family was basically dishonest with each other as I was growing up and hypocrites to boot. We were Mountain people without any of the conveniences of those who lived in town and we loved the Lord. If you didn't, you were shunned, and in my case, Granny Bess would beat your ass to within shouting distance of the final curtain and it was a given, your love of the Lord would increase dramatically even as conciousness began to drift away. If any of Bess's daughters crossed her they were whores. If any of her sons misbehaved they just 'weren't no good'. Imagine my surprise when I found out more than one of their 13 children were born out of wedlock before they bothered to get married. And this was in a particularly rigid time and place, the teens of 1900 and very rural America. Was her behaviour with those around her a display of someone with honest convictions? Not really, but were in line with her sons who with the exception of a couple, all preached and saved souls for God, making certain to remain sober during church hours. In among all this craziness I started to pay attention to honesty and fought hard with myself to make sure I separated real from desired or imagined in my own life. To this day I remain devoted to myself when it comes to honesty with myself. If it was right, don't change. If it was wrong, don't be afraid to change. When I was about 12 years old or so, I was aware that Oral Roberts over in Tulsa healed people on television. It was the damndest thing I ever seen. He would chase demons out of troubled souls and cure cripples with just the touch of his hand, giving Jesus and God all the credit. He never failed. The show lasted several years, then silently faded away, but by then he was exhorbantly rich. He and his son run the University now and command much of the choice real estate in downtown Tulsa, and sell prayer cloths and such. Why don't they still heal the lame and sick and dying? They never announced a loss of power and connection with the Almighty, so one would presume they could still do it if they wanted to. So why don't they? Maybe it's because those pesky newspeople would want a 'behind the scenes' look at things. I'll sleep good tonight. I wonder if Oral has anything bothering him? Or George Bush? Or Hillary Clinton? Or, God forgive, Bill Clinton? Or George Clooney? Or anyone entrusted in running your country or spending your money? Or just messing around with the power to affect your life? zzzzzzzzzzzzz...............