Musings of a Dumb Ass

Musings of a Dumb Ass..... Happiness? Does any one really have it? When you do have it, what makes it stay? If you lose it, was whatever caused it to leave a life altering experience? Or was it just a passing event of little importance? We humans are soooo complex yet so simple and the span of emotions we are capable of experiencing can be triggered not only by disaster and tragedy but also whimsy and silliness. When we are insanely happy we usually require little support but if we are unhappy sometimes we cannot get enough, and want to make everybody else as miserable as we are. The human body and spirit are put together in a way that we struggle for life until the last breath and go out gasping for just one more breath. We are different from all other living creatures in that sometimes it's possible for us to be forewarned and have a relatively correct timeline for our demise. Even though we may have this information at our disposal, our body and spirit still usually holds together valiently fighting the grim reaper trying to cheat him out of just one last breath. But then, occassionally we opt to end it all and whack ourselves, unwilling to fight the insurmountable and hopeless odds of continuing until nature runs its course and the inevitable end. People who actually do this, I believe, are generally individuals of incredible strength or on the opposite end, complete morons who have never acquainted themselves with life and the wonderfulness of it to begin with. I think many more consider offing themselves than is believed. This guy has, very seriously. What kept me from doing it wasn't that I got so far down to begin with, instead it was the knowledge that maybe great things were just around the corner if I just waited a bit, and it was so. Some like to threaten those who care for them with the deed. Then some like to play with whomever will pay attention to them. These kind almost never do it intentionally, but do sometimes wind up on the morgue slab because they went too far with what they believed they could control. So why would this Dumb Ass be wandering around in such a subject? Weeell, I stumbled onto a blog in which the writer has named a specific day to stop the clock because of terminal (I suppose it's terminal) illness, which is most certainly a factor that would cause me to consider the option. What is interesting in this is the writers desire to share not only his intent, but to include a growing list of charactures and his feelings about them as things go along. The writing is of such quality that it could make one believe it's an exercise in entertainment or a study of human behaviour. Or, of course it could be human tragedy at it's most painful. Whichever the case may be, I will follow it with interest until its over. Since the writer is the one looking for finality, and in all likelyhood will remain anonymous outside of his blog, how will I know when its over? Will the posts 'just stop'? Or will there be an announcement? And who will make it? And how will I know they're real? So many questions. Maybe I should go back to worrying about things with more probable answers. Like the way we treat each other and why we don't understand most of the rest of the world. Or why grass is green and the sky is blue. Damn.