Musings of a Dumb Ass

Musings of a Dumb Ass.......... Ardith Holland was a God fearing woman, as was Rhoda Strode, Elsie Wood and Jeannie Gore. They believed what they believed with great passion and dedication. As a child growing up with them in thrice weekly services plus Sunday school I watched them and the rest of the congregation in the little holy roller church I mostly grew up in, in the foothills of the mountains surrounding the Buffalo River in Arkansas. We were all just poor people struggling to survive from one winter to the next with little imagination to help us along, consequently my time there was not a particularly happy period for me. But I always looked forward to church night. I learned to play guitar and that put me in front right along with the preacher. At 10 years old I had become pretty good at what I done and had learned what songs the old women liked the best and when to do them to get the biggest rise out of them. One night after Ardith Holland had caught her husband cavorting with an old flame in town she got all fired up in the spirit and soon she was lying down on the floor flat of her back both hands stretched toward the ceiling and babbling in unknown tongues. The regulars of the Wednesday night ceremony's were all kneeling around her in a circle helping her 'pray through'. It seemed to me an opportune time for me to sing a special, so guitar in hand I stood on the bench right next to them and started singing "The Family Who Prays Will Never Be Parted" as loud as I could. The reaction was quick. Before I could get through the first verse Ardith was wailing like an ambulance siren and the ones around her were twisting their hankies and moaning now and then. By the time I got through the song two more were on the floor next to Ardith screaming "Thank You Jesus" and Jeannie Gore had snot running out her nose and off her chin and didn't seem to be bothered by it at all. When I made the last strum on the guitar I just kept standing on the bench surveying the battlefield in front of me. Things quieted down at the end of the song and I thought it was over but all of a sudden Ardith threw both hands in the air and let out one more ear piercing yell, screaming "Jesus - I Love You!!" and let the loudest fart I ever heard. That started Rhoda Strode praying again and things might have gotten fired up enough to warrant me singing another song, except Ardith chose that moment in time to piss on her self, and that pretty much shut things down for that night. This story is true to the best of my memory and while some might find it entertaining, others might find it offensive to their faith. I don't mean for it to be either. Instead I would like to point out that no one ever to my knowledge questioned the faith and dedication practised in the little church I spent so many evenings in as a child, and in fact, the world I lived in made unquestionable room for them to live and believe any way they wanted, and respected them for it. I suspect far out there somewhere in those hills I'm from, they're still doing it the same way. But we have matured too far and no longer have an acceptance for simple people believing and living the way THEY want. Whether it's the holy rollers in Arkansas or the Muslims in Iraq. If we gave that consideration, we would have a much better and peaceful world. I still remember the words to the song that put things in perspective for Ardith that night over 50 years ago. Sometimes I wish I could go back........................